Green Linden Press

Fame

I liked the gossip. My friend,
a major producer, told us 
about the TV star whose co-
star wanted more money, more 
show, more everything—she 
forgot her lines and the catchphrase 
she blurted made her a household 
name—Sweet woman, the actress said, 
but the show was named after me. 
The scandal of the lied-about 
pregnancy. A married man fucking 
his assistants. And my friend’s famous 
martinis with the edible cut in fourths 
because we all had to drive— 
We gossiped like men about our 
silly humiliations, the clock 
pulling us further ahead 
toward the stillness and our cars. 
I miss being gay, I said, or someone 
said, and then we were quiet—
glasses drained, plates empty, 
the host’s designer vase. 

Six Boxes from Frank O’Hara’s Archives

Box 1:
Underwear from his first lover 
that he took while the guy was sleeping. 

Box 2:
A typewriter
with a broken O key.
He had to write his name: 
0’Hara.

Box 3:
Lyrics to a song 
he and Joe made up 
about oranges 
and their favorite penises.

Box 4:
A list of things he hated:

1. broken nose
2. grass
3. Massachusetts
4. Mother

Box 5:
A napkin with lines 
of a poem he never finished:

Your toothy grin! Fractured rooftops—
Golden! Golden!

Box 6:
A sketch of James Dean
holding flowers.

Monday

2/27/23

My friend shot himself in a motel in February.
My friend did meth and was a Rent Boy.
He never did porn
but fucked himself with a flashlight on a webcam.
He wouldn’t put his money in the bank.
He sucked dick for two hours. 
Now that put the job in blowjob!
My friend hated his body and starved himself
and his gums bled
but he fit into the Speedo.
He fucked himself to death at sex parties
and went to church sometimes.
We sang songs in his car and took a train upstate
and lay in king beds watching television.
A guy touched my friend for money
while he pretended to sleep.
He left a note for his husband
and his car in the garage.
He didn’t leave the dogs enough water.
They found his body on Monday.
Don’t touch the flashlight on the desk!
I can’t remember what I was doing that day.

Also by Aaron Smith: "Thermopylae," "The Rest of It," "Living," "More to the Story,"
"No Apologies," "I Put This Moment Over Here" (with Maureen Seaton), "All Things Go" (with Maureen Seaton)
Interview: a conversation with Aaron Smith on his book Primer